When we’re shy, self-conscious or insecure, we focus on what we perceive as our weaknesses and failures. We judge ourselves harshly and we rely on external cues to confirm or deny whether we’ve done something properly or of value. And that translates into whether or not we have value as a human being.

 

Because other people’s opinions about us are so important, we watch for their reactions to what we do and say for clues as to what they think of us.  If we’re very insecure, we may even expect them to disregard or criticize us, to reject us.

 

Striving for Elusive Balance and Acceptance

 

I’d like you to imagine an old non-digital scale, the kind doctors’ offices used (or may still use), where you stand on

a platform and someone slides a small weight back and forth along a metal beam to find balance – the place where neither end is heavier than the other. 

 

Now imagine that the metal beam represents how powerful and secure you feel. Right now, you may feel closer to the lower, heavier end. You’re weighed down with internal baggage that keeps you from getting balanced, that place where you’re not 'less than' or 'more than.'

 

When we're balanced, we’ve removed most of the thoughts and beliefs that’ve been holding us back and keeping us feeling small. It’s where we feel empowered. It’s that place where we value all our parts.

 

But you're not there yet. You may at times reach for what you want, reach for that balance of power that's rightfully yours, but eventually you get pulled back down to that familiar place of ‘less than.’ So you get frustrated again and those feelings of defeat return as well.

 

In your heart, you know life can be better, but you haven’t been able to escape those doubts and insecurities that always seem to come back.

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Original Foundational Experiences

 

The question is – how do we get rid of our baggage, the kind that’s deeply rooted and refuses to leave?

 

What I’ve learned through personal experience and supported by the experts, is that our first wound-creating experiences usually happen in our childhood and may go back generations.

 

According to psychologists, our earliest years are the foundation for the rest of our life, and these first experiences, along with subsequent ones that reinforce them, are stored in our unconscious, where we aren’t aware of them.

But they govern much of what 'happens' to us. 

 

Healing

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There are a lot of healing modalities that access our buried wounds. These methods - from conventional therapy to a variety of alternative practices, release beliefs that are restraining us so we can replace them with healthier ones. I can’t tell you which ones will be right for you (I'm not a therapist or medical professional) but I can encourage you to explore and pay attention to your gut reaction. Our inner voice and our body let us know when something is right for us and when something isn’t. Learning to trust that voice can be highly beneficial, but we often ignore it because it's subtle.

 

True healing is a process which takes time and persistence and work, and that drives away a lot of people. Healing usually means feeling things that we don't want to feel and admitting things we don't want to admit. Why should we do something difficult when we can continue to function like we’ve been doing or look for an easier way to cope? Well, if you’re reading this, you’re probably motivated to heal, and you’re willing to try the difficult stuff because you're ready to change.

 

I have been through that healing process and it took me many years. I had a lot of deeply entrenched fears – from

in utero (my mother almost miscarried) to being part of a family with a lot of unrecognized and unresolved issues.

 

Because I didn’t trust myself or other people, it took me a long time to realize that I had to take complete responsibility for my healing and for becoming the person I wanted to be. And eventually, I did. 

 

A New Foundation For Your Life

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Let's go back to that scale I mentioned earlier. In my experience, creating emotional health consists of freeing the space inside that's been filled with pain and fear from old experiences that no longer have a place in our life, and also identifying and growing into who we really are. Slowly, the balance of power shifts and we're no longer dragged down by insecurity. We gain control of ourself, our sovereignty. We make choices based on how we want to live as a healthy adult. Discernment and interest help us decide how and when to engage in life. Instead of backing away from experiences, we mostly look forward to them.

 

We may have restrictions and emotional scars (maybe some physical ones as well) that we need to work around. And we all have our flaws and our quirks. But once you know and accept who you are - your values, needs and preferences - and you feel freedom, because freedom is a feeling – you discover strength and courage that you probably didn’t know you had.

 

It’s hard to envision expansion and freedom when you’re filled with anxiety and doubt.

 

And that’s what my website is about – helping you believe that how you feel about yourself is at the heart of it all. Whoever and whatever robbed you of that belief does not determine your value anymore. That's your right and your responsibility.

 

And when you gain that realization, you can have a new kind of security that’s based on what you’re made of, not anything outside of you.

 

One of my favorite quotes is by Deepak Chopra:

 

“You must learn to get in touch with the innermost essence of your being. This true essence is beyond the ego. It is fearless; it is free; it is immune to criticism; it does not fear any challenge. It is beneath no one, superior to no one, and full of magic, mystery, and enchantment.”

 

My hope, for this website, is to create a safe and welcoming place where you can feel whole and accepted – and see how that changes your life.

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